My Name is Logan, like u don't know that already
from the index page. Any ways I'm 24 guy, I'm From Canada which is cool;
I like it here. I guess I should start from the start shouldn't I?
In 1977 I was born, but there was a big mistake
because God has made me female and not male like he was suppose to. I guess
no one is perfect even the man upstairs. I was born two months early which
cause some problems due to hearing, but later that was fixed, which is good
because that would really suck if I couldn't hear music, don't u agree?
yeah I thought so. So as I grew up from a broken home, which I won't get
into too much... that part doesn't matter to the task at hand. I knew I
felt different from everyone else...having dreams where i was a boy interacting
with people and things around me, but mostly I kept this between myself
due to fear of rejection and elimination by some of my family members who
are deeply homophobia, which I find is sad to be that way.. life is too
short as it is. So I kept my thoughts and feelings to myself, but it became
a big problem when the deep depression and thoughts of suicide hit at a
very young age and went throughout most of my life, I knew I had to change
something about it soon or I won't be here long.
But I did know I was boy at 10, but when the
periods came and the breasts and hips came along I really knew that it wasn't
going to happen, that I wasn't going to get a beard or my voice deepening.
I'll be stuck like this forever I thought. So I put it out of my mind the
best I could, but it nver really went away, it was still there in my dreams
at night.
At the age of 17, I started to realize something....
maybe my dreams and daydreams are trying to tell me something that is not
sexually, but actually being of myself. I saw a movie about drag queens
and it gave me an idea, is there such a thing as drag queens for boys too?
but drag kings?? I didn't know at that time it was possible to change one's
sex and live a normal life... to me at that time it was some sci-fi fansty
dream I had take a liking too. So for another 3 and half years in the dark
about who and what I was.
At the age of 20 I came out to the open slowly,
my parents didn't know yet and I was still scared to tell them about what
I wanted in life... I didn't know how to tell my family and friends what
I wanted, Fear is a monster that eats you up and soon there's nothing left
of u. I was openly Bisexual my family knew that... they never thought anything
of it. Years pass as I learn more information on my computer that I baught
a year eariler. Soon I became a FTM information hog, trying to get as much
as I could.
A year and half ago to this date I finely
told my parents that I wanted to be a boy, at first they thought I was in
depression and that I didn't want to be myself and to run away with my problems.
But changing ur sex is not going to help u run away or solve any problems
u had as a female... so they will be there when ur male as well.. I told
my mom I knew that... My uncle thought I was a lesbian in denial, i told
him he was wrong and I wanted to change my body as a man and live opening
as a man. He didn't get it. To this day he still doesn't get it, what it
means for me, hours and hours of trying to explain to a child ur reason
for doing these is fruitless. My boyfriend of two years I told as well he
didn't take it light neither... he thought for awhile he thought I wanted
him to change his sex as a female, speak about crossed wires huh? I told
him I didn't expect him to turn gay or become a female on my account and
that it was his choice to make not mine. So a year later he left, a few
months later he found a new girlfriend, I wish the best for them, he told
me about her, I don't know if he was trying to rub it in my face or not
but who cares, it's to late for that bull shit stuff. So i cut it off completely
I think that was the wise choice.
Soon after I started homrones and I was well
on my way to become a man, Finely I hope I get my chest and everything else
done in a reasonable mount of time and really live free for the first time.
What I have noticed since i started homrone treatments is, that I am never
depressed anymore... YAY!
